|
Celebrity Garden Movie
Reviews
|
|
Star
Wars Episode II: Attack of the clones
|
| Hip-hip hooray for two hours George Lucas digitally masturbating
all over the screen. This movie was pretty goddamn kick-ass. They finally
realized that people don't like aliens named Jar Jar Binks with Jamaican/Ebonics/four
year old accents that run around naked. They ripped that bastard pretty
much right out of the story except for a few scenes in which he is fully
clothed. Natalie Portman plays Senator Amidala. Episode one she was Queen Amidala, but she served her two terms and is now serving as senator. Who would have thought that the entire Galaxy shares our system of government? Personally I don't care what she is--I want to have sex with her. George Lucas is apparently aware of this fact because they spent mucho dinero digitally augmenting her chest. For the rest of the movie she was obnoxiously clothed. Hayden Christiansen plays Anikin Skywalker. He also gets to make-out with Natalie Portman. I'm sure he would've played this part even if they were paying him in sand. He managed to pull it off, looking like the eager young Jedi, yet foreshadowing the inevitable downfall to the darkside, throwing out striking looks of doom. Looks that can only be described as the non-verbal equivalent of "Bizzzzz-ATCH!" Yoda opens up a seriously large, delux, family size can of whoop-ass. BOO-YAH. That scene right there is worth the $8. It seriously touched me in places I can't see without a mirror. Overall, the movie rocked-ass. There is something to be said for the less-than-oscar-worthy acting, but if you're going to Star Wars looking for good acting, you're ill. |